Anne Slanders

Dear Frigid,

Lately, I’ve encountered this recurring question. Perhaps you’ve heard the latest gossip? Lean your skeptical ear toward the air vents, my dear, and you’ll catch the eerie whispers: Could Anne Slanders be female/male or (gasp) both? An odd and melancholic notion, shared by a mere handful of scoffers.

But fret not, for if I were to heed my detractors, I’d be nothing more than an aging spinster—stumbling from a musty bedroom, shuffling aimlessly across creaky wooden floors in worn, fuzzy slippers. A parade of feline companions would dance around my feet as I wearily settled onto my davenport, fumbling through a daily planner devoid of conscious awareness.

Yet, in the next breath—much to the amusement of my jeering critics—I transform into an elderly, undignified, scowling gentleman. My aura is redolent of Witch Hazel, Aqua Velva and evocative antiquity, a kitschy blend that assaults nostrils for three city blocks. Rotund, bald, and sporting a festive but unkept Christmas beard, I become a curious echo of Santa Claus himself devoid of self worth and cast with misfortune.

So, my dear Frigid, embrace the enigma. For Anne Slanders defies singular identity, flitting between realms like a mischievous specter. And perhaps therein lies her/his/my allure—the tantalizing dance between old maid and stately sage.

Yours in delightful ambiguity,

No wait! Let’s use a #Sidenote.

Dear Frigid— Allow me to dispel this suspense without further cruelty: Although Anne Slanders exists as a fictional pseudonym and caricature, I am indeed female. I understand it is to the dismay and horrid astonishment for this small pack of detractors, but my gender remains steadfast.

Also, touche’ in mentioning ‘George Eliot’ aka Mary Ann Evans, a pillar of Victorian writing. She remains one of our most revered and influential writers of English literature.

© 2019 – 2025, Anne-Slanders.com. All Rights Reserved