Anne Slanders

Dear Mr. Chipwich,

I saw your quip within the many comments we have received here at Anne Slanders. I faintly recall you from the golden era of AOL, that digital epoch of sensory degradation. I see why Miss Jules, our discerning curator of painted words, cherishes your companionship. You, sir, fall nicely within the category of her well-trained and appreciable pets.

As you continue to question my authenticity, I suppose I should question why you presented yourself as a Chipwich of all things? Truly, this is maddening!

The beloved origin of the ice cream sandwich is a bit of a mystery, but it is believed to have been invented in New York City around 1899. Street vendors in the Bowery likely first popularized this delectable dessert by serving ice cream between two thin wafers. The rest, as they say, is history!

If you have ever truly experienced one, Chipwich’s are a most popular ice cream sandwich made with two sturdy chocolate chip cookies that blanket a creamy vanilla ice cream filling. The outer edges of the ice cream are typically coated with mini chocolate chips.

Hence, when engaging with someone who presents themselves as a “Chipwich,” I harbor hope of encountering the strong character that epitomizes this delectable dessert. At first glance, I yearned for a shimmering celebration of uniqueness and nostalgia, akin to fond memories associated with a Chipwich.

However, upon closer scrutiny, your attributes fall forever short of the initial allure. Much like the common, wafered ice cream sandwich, your personality appears unremarkable: pre-packaged with a limited mindset of projecting nothing more than an image of low self-esteem. Yet, as we delve deeper, your interactions reveal an ever appalling messy and gooey exterior, akin to cheap ice cream sandwich purchased at a Wawa. In essence, your persona gradually loses; necessitating a slobbish mess your victims have had to endure for years.

Alas, what personality traits tell-tale your saggy, sloppy broken wafer?

– Stalking women
– Threatening to kill a Conservative talk show host
– Being arrested for felony aggravated stalking on said Conservative host
– Being convicted of felony aggravated stalking and harrassment

If unraveling my true identity necessitates time, my arteries shall stiffen like twigs in a dense thicket. Let us commence by offering you a few clues. 🕵️‍♂️🔍

• I remember SweetForeverOn half-admitting to being the AOL Pier Talker
• Sweet would implode when Bolt Holders zapped her for ghosting and logging rooms.
• I chastized her as a “bitter, angry, overweight hag.” and “far too inadequate to wipe her own body parts.”
• My biggest tell was “Bless her little pea picking little heart”

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